Script VO Minisodes

Minisode 1: Fangtasia – Eric and Pam

Pam: Next.

A dancer comes in and auditions.

Eric: Stop. Stop! Thank you but we’re looking for something a little less… ridiculous.

Dancer: I can turn it down.

Eric: I’d rather see you turn it off.

Dancer: I know y’all are vampires and all but you don’t have to be such bitches about it.

Pam: Actually we do. Next.

Another dancer auditions on a girly song.

Eric: Next.

Another one; a man dances on a country song.

Pam: Next.

We see a new girl.

Eric: Next.

A second man auditions.

Pam: Next.

A woman talking in a foreign language comes in.

Woman: I’m Yvetta.

Eric: Well hello.

Pam (with Eric): Hello.

Eric: I’ll handle this one alone, Pam.

Pam: Oh, no. I cannot possibly let you do that.

Eric (in Swedish): Get out of here. This one’s mine.

Pam: Selfish.

Eric: Insubordinate.

Pam (to Yvetta): I’ll see what you can do later.

Pam leaves.

Yvetta: So, I’m adapted to many styles. What would you like for me to show you?

Eric: Everything you got.

 

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Minisode 2: In a casino – Jessica

Jessica sits at a table. A man comes.

Man: I know what you’re doing. Won’t you ask me to buy you a drink?

Jessica: No.

Man: Are you on a hunt tonight, aren’t you?

Jessica: Maybe.

Man: You’re hungry, you want a man.

Jessica: Yes.

Man:  You want to go somewhere with him and loose control. You wanna do things that you know are wrong but you just can’t stop thinking about.

Jessica: Yes.

Man: You are a dirty whore, aren’t you?

Jessica: No, not really.

Man: Oh, yes you are. God looks at you and he sees a dirty, dirty whore because that is what you are.

Jessica: Fuck you.

Man: Oh, spooking like a true whore. This is you lucky day, whore because you know what? God is merciful.

Jessica: Leave me alone.

Man: Oh, I wish I could, whore but God has another idea in mind for you. Salvation. You know you would rather be with Jesus.

Jessica shows him her fangs.

Pam: What is your name? (She glamour him) What is your name?

Man: Jerry Hardisson, pastor on Holly Wrath church.

Jessica: I want you to do one thing for me, Jerry Hardisson.

Jerry: I’d do anything. Please don’t kill me.

Jessica: Are you married?

Jerry: I am.

Jessica: Then I want you to go home to your wife and tell her that you love her and tell her that she is way too good for you. And then I want you to make love to her like it was the first time and remember that if God wants anything is you thanking him daily that you get to live a normal life and that you don’t have to cut people deep. Can you do that for me?

Jerry: Yes ma’am.

Jessica: Okay. Now I want you to stand up and walk out that door. But scream “I’m a fucking pervert with a big boner for Jesus”.

Jerry screaming: I’m a fucking pervert with a big boner for Jesus.

Man 2 (Hank): Yeah, whatever floats your boat dude.

Jessica: Right?

Man 2: Hey.

Jessica: Hey yourself.

Man 2: Buy you a drink?

Jessica: I’m looking for much more than drink, mister.

 

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Minisode 3: Merlotte’s – Sookie, Tara, Lafayette

Sookie arrive at Merlotte’s, a packet in hand.

Tara: What’s that?

Sookie: Bill bought me a dress, you wanna see it?

Tara: Sure. Oh! This is such a great colour.

Sookie: Bill has such amazing taste.

Tara: Expensive taste. I wonder where he gets his money from.

Sookie: Well, Compton’s have always had money.

Tara: You seriously are suggesting that Jesse Compton left everything to Bill in his will. I don’t even think he knew Bill existed.

Sookie: Well, I know Bill has a financial manager of some sort maybe he has a lot of investments.

Tara: Probably. Did he loose a lot when de market crash?

Sookie: He never said anything about it. Is there something you wanna say?

Tara: No.

Sookie: Liar.

Tara: I was just making you mad, I wanna make you mad, that’s all. Okay, you don’t even know what he does for a living. I still worry about you being with vampires but you have to admit…

Sookie: Okay, you’re right, you did make me mad.

Tara: …bad things have been happening right in here.

Sookie: Oh like your life has been fucked up since you met Eggs. Glass houses, Tara.

Tara: Eggs isn’t a vampire.

Sookie: Maybe but he’s not exactly a safe, undangerous guy.

Tara: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Sookie: Take care of things in your own backyard that’s what is supposed to mean.

Lafayette arrives.

Lafayette: Uh-oh. Hello Kitty’s cloth is coming up.

Tara: You know something I don’t?

Sookie: You need to talk to him.

Tara: He told me about being in prison.

Sookie: He was in prison?

Lafayette: Hell, Tara.

Tara: You stay out of this.

Sookie: I know that nobody’s perfect and I accept that but I wish you would do the same and stop judging.

Lafayette: bitches you both is pretty.

Sookie: Bill has risked his life for me more than once; he saved Sam’s life last night. Oh shit, no one here remembers that.

Tara: I am entitled to be afraid for you if I feel to.

Sookie: Tara you should be ashamed. Be scared of vampires just because of them being vampires is racist.

Tara: Being scared of vampires is racism?

Sookie: Okay, well maybe not exactly but is definitely in the same neighbourhood and it’s based on the same principles.

Tara: Wow, you must be really proud of yourself being so open-minded. Coming in knowing what to teach us, black folk, we can be racist too.

Sookie: You’re sparolin.

Lafayette: Well good have a drink, take a break because you’re having some hormonal inbounds and it ain’t pretty good.

Tara: Fuck you both.

Sookie: I’m not gonna stay if I can go home early. Bill’s taking me to that French restaurant on the way to Shreveport.

Lafayette: Well nice.

Tara: What is the most expensive thing on the menu? I’m sure he can afford it.

Sookie leaves.

Tara: I’m sorry but only a crazy person gets mixed up with vampires.

Lafayette: You can be a bitch, you know that?

Tara: I ain’t the only one.

Lafayette: No, I guess you ain’t.

 

 

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Minisode 4: Sam

Sam arrives in front of his home. He destroys Maryann’s bull mask.

 

 

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Minisode 5: Bill’s house – Bill

A woman knocks on Bill’s door. He invites her in.

Woman: Mr. Compton. Oh.

Bill: Oh, I’m sorry; I’m running a little late this evening. Why don’t you come in?

Woman: My name is Joellen Smallwood from Thomas Tinckerton’s fine jewellery in Shreveport.

Bill: Of course. Thank you for driving all the way out here tonight misses Smallwood.

Joellen: Oh, it’s miss. Well, it was misses Smallwood until very recently. That’s my husband’s name, Smallwood. I would go back to my maiden name which is Bushy but people always make fun of it and well, Smallwood’s a better name for me professionally. Well I don’t mind telling you that my husband, mister Smallwood, certainly lived up to his name. Oh forgive me that was very crude. I’m a little nervous, I am not a vampire phobic at any means but you are my first that I’ve ever actually met. I’ve seen them on tv of course.

Bill: Well, there’s no need to be nervous. Shall we have a look at what you brought me?

Joellen: Don’t you wanna get dressed?

Bill: Oh, as I said, I am running a little bit late. It doesn’t bother you?

Joellen: Oh no, not at all. It doesn’t bother me at all; let’s get down to it.

Bill: I appreciate this; it’s not possible for me to visit during normal business hours.

Joellen: Please this is what I do. It’s all about pleasing the client whatever it takes. I have some real jams here in white gold, rose gold, platinum and even this antiques downer and sterling silver.

Bill: No silver.

Joellen: Okay. Well, which of these catches your eye? Which by the way, your eyes are the most lovely shade of blue, is it a vampire thing or were your eyes always that colour?

Bill: My intendment is blond so I was thinking perhaps yellow gold would suite her best.

Joellen: Well I certainly don’t wear size 6 but if you’d like to try slipping that little beauty on my picky finger. Dammit. Just imagine what it will feel like.

Bill: Misses Smallwood (he glamour her) what exactly are you hoping to accomplish this evening?

Joellen: I am hoping that you’ll ravish me right here on this valving couch and take me gently but not too gently, the way a pirate would.

Bill: Well that is not going to happen.

Joellen: Please.

Bill: No. I am a one-woman man. And a one human vampire.

Joellen: Well goddamn it.

Bill: I can offer you a different scenario. One that best satisfies your desires. Finding as they are on your need to sexually objectify me based on what I am, which is frankly a little insulting.

Joellen: Just tell me what you want, daddy.

Bill: How about one I choose a ring you offer to side to me. And cost.

Joellen: But that will get me in trouble.

Bill: Which I think is only appropriate.

 

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Minisode 6: In the woods – Jason

Jason runs in the woods then stops. He remembers a few minutes earlier; when he killed Eggs.

Andy: Get the hell out of here.

End of the vision.

Jason: Oh Jesus. Sweet baby Jesus. I need help. I need help more than I ever have. God, Jesus, Marie-Madeleine, Allah, confusion, Budda, scientology, aliens, dead line from Narnia, whatever is out there I need your help now. Please forgive me. He had enough. He was going to hurt Andy and I was just trying to get Andy from getting killed. I know I’ve done some bad things but I ain’t never killed nobody even if I thought I had.

He remembers of all the woman he dated during season 1 and 2 and of his grandma during talking. He sees a panther in the woods and runs.